I live alone with my preschooler in an off-grid cabin on a remote island off the coast of British Columbia.
"Don't wish me happiness I don't expect to be happy all the time....It's gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor. I will need them all." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Sunday, 23 July 2017
For me fair weather is the time to mend that which is broken. When the unusually high amount of snow we received in February fell off the main part of my roof onto my deck roof it damaged two sheets of plastic roofing on the deck. What a blessing that I had exactly two extra sheets tucked away behind the shed and all that was necessary was to remove the damaged ones which were one sheet in from the end of the roof and replace them with the new ones and put the undamaged end sheet back on. I built this deck alone and I completed this repair by myself as I knew exactly what had to be done. Another repair was the driftwood garden gate which meant a trip down to the beach. Along with my little girl I brought my handsaw, square and a measuring tape in my backpack. I cut a piece of cedar driftwood and than packed it home and screwed it onto the gate. It's nice to have it working again. If only it was as easy to mend a broken heart. It's been years now since my partner walked away from me when I was pregnant yet I continue to live with a grief that has never ended. I understand a broken heart. This experience has left me with an understanding gained only by living with it. The pain worsens when I think about myself. The pain lessons when I turn to God and think about him. When the grief hits me hard - and believe me it still does on a regular basis- the best thing I can do is sing hymns or read scripture. Both of these result in one thing; I take my eyes off myself and I look to Jesus and He fills me with peace and hope. Real love I am struggling to understand but I have learned that it does not abandon - ever. " I will not fail you or abandon you." Joshua 1:5 God has rescued me. I am left in awe at this love so undeserved yet this is God showing me Himself. It is God who says," Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I The Lord your God, am with you wherever you go."Joshua 1:9 In the years that followed after my partner left it was God who stuck around and I know that no matter what or how many wonderful things I say about Him I can never repay His love - for love is Him.
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