I live alone with my preschooler in an off-grid cabin on a remote island off the coast of British Columbia.
"Don't wish me happiness I don't expect to be happy all the time....It's gotten beyond that somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor. I will need them all." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Sunday, 11 June 2017
Faith and loss on Father's Day
Looking through the window of my cabin reminds me of looking back through the window of time. After my partner left me when I was five week's pregnant I carried a lot of negativity towards him for years. It wasn't something I talked about publicly and if you have read my blog since it's conception you will know that. After I became a mother Father's Day reminded me of the lack of my partner's presence in our lives and I felt what I perceived as justifiable anger in my heart. Than I reached a point where I was able to pray for my child's father to be saved in God 's eternal kingdom( see January 25, 2017 post). This prayer had a powerful impact on me because it dissolved the anger in my heart. In time I have gained a deeper understanding of the love of God, His patience, mercy and forgiveness. Only because of this loss I have been more clearly able to discern my need to have these qualities - patience, love and forgiveness - in me. It has made me grow beyond the self centred person that I was. This in turn has given me a thankful heart. This realization has deepened my love and need for God. I have learned that no matter what dark valley that I find myself trapped in - there is hope. Keeping the faith through the year's of loss is a choice I have never regretted. I still have questions but I trust Him more deeply than before and I am willing to live with them unanswered. So on this Father's Day - I celebrate my relationship with Him. I look up not only for hope in the future but in thanksgiving because in His great love he brought me through the grief of loss and He can do that for you too.